Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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