All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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