weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
