Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
