i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
