I didn't shave. On purpose
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
