So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
and you fell through a lawn chair
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
