I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
