just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Randomize
