I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
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