Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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