I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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