I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
