At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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