and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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