i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
