The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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