not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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