Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
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I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
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Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Randomize