I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Randomize