You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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