Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
