Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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