I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
