i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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