he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
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