foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Randomize
