Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
bring money and cleavage
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
