he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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