I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
