I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
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