we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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