Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Randomize
