This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Randomize