Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
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