I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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