Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Pooping to opera.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize