I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize