remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
