I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
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