he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Quick, to the slutcave!
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
