Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
