The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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