What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
