Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Ketchup is God's man juice
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
