Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Randomize
