I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
