I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Randomize
