I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
