I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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