Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
