Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
the day after is always just damage control
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
