xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Randomize
