I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Randomize