Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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