I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
